Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Just a (little) rant

I want to be finished with school.

There, I said it. I'm tired of being a student. I have been a student since I was 5 years old. I'm now 30. That's 25 years of my life and I'm just tired. I don't want to write any more. I don't want to revise any more. But, mostly, I don't want to have to tell people I'm a graduate student anymore. I'm tired of people thinking I'm lazy or stupid or crazy or pitiful because I'm still in school. I don't appreciate them asking me "how much longer do you have again" as if I'm a 19-year-old partying every weekend, skipping classes, and failing tests and THAT'S the reason I haven't managed to get out into the "real" world. I don't like the way they think my opinions are dismissible because I don't have a "real" job either. I'm tired.

BUT I'm not finished with school. I have one (rather large) thing standing between me and that beautiful Duke doctoral robe (well, 2 things if you count the money to pay for the robe). And, I'll do it. I'll write the thing. In fact, I'm in the middle of a chapter now. It's horrible, but come Monday it will be turned in...horribleness and all.

Yes, I realize that I'm blessed to be where I am doing what I do. And, yes, I know that I'll regret it if I don't fulfill this dream when I'm so very close to being finished. But, for tonight, I just needed to admit that I don't want finish. I really want to quit.


Anna said...

no quitting allowed. i dont see you as a grad student. i see you as a doctoral student! and we all know you've been partying too much and that's why you'll have your doctorate by 31. ;)

seriously though. i can only imagine how tired you are. keep reminding yourself how far you have come, especially when you feel like you have forever to go! remind yourself of the goals you've set and how VERY many you've accomplished.

it's ok to want to quit. just not ok to quit. hang in their friend. i sure do admire you for juggling all that you do! and i'm so thankful you are only down the street now instead of states away! we MUST go get coffee (or a nancy's italian ice. oh my!) when you need a study break. i will be up at all hours of the day and night starting tuesday and will need a break too! hugs and cant wait to see you saturday!!!

Sheri said...

I agree with Anna...definitely okay to WANT to quit...just don't actually do it! Though, I must confess, if it were me, I probably would have quit a looooonnngg time ago! And anyone that pretends not to value your opinion probably feels threatened by your awesomeness! James Dobson used to say that writing a book was like slaying a dragon. The hardest part is always at the end when you're exhausted and think you just can't fight anymore. But then you remember the battle you've already been through and how very close you are to slaying the beast...and you find the courage to hang on just a little while longer! You're almost there! Just do what needs to be done today...tomorrow will come and you can stress about tomorrow's stuff THEN! Love you, friend!

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