I want to be finished with school.
There, I said it. I'm tired of being a student. I have been a student since I was 5 years old. I'm now 30. That's 25 years of my life and I'm just tired. I don't want to write any more. I don't want to revise any more. But, mostly, I don't want to have to tell people I'm a graduate student anymore. I'm tired of people thinking I'm lazy or stupid or crazy or pitiful because I'm still in school. I don't appreciate them asking me "how much longer do you have again" as if I'm a 19-year-old partying every weekend, skipping classes, and failing tests and THAT'S the reason I haven't managed to get out into the "real" world. I don't like the way they think my opinions are dismissible because I don't have a "real" job either. I'm tired.
BUT I'm not finished with school. I have one (rather large) thing standing between me and that beautiful Duke doctoral robe (well, 2 things if you count the money to pay for the robe). And, I'll do it. I'll write the thing. In fact, I'm in the middle of a chapter now. It's horrible, but come Monday it will be turned in...horribleness and all.
Yes, I realize that I'm blessed to be where I am doing what I do. And, yes, I know that I'll regret it if I don't fulfill this dream when I'm so very close to being finished. But, for tonight, I just needed to admit that I don't want finish. I really want to quit.